obsession / love life

 i dont get the obsession most girls have abt boys, i dont know why they would be intrested in love.

im in my teenage years and i dont understand why girls squeal or giggled or act diffrently around a boy, i mean how do they even know if they love or like the boy, not that i have anything against it , i just dont get it .

my social anxitey is so bad that i cant start a conversation and id rather be alone than start one, so ive never had a date or a boyfriend  neither a girlfriend, im just more obsessed with other stuff, as  anime seasons and  the characters , or drawing the characters or fan girling abt how a character looks , not cause i like them and wanna marry the character but jsut simply cause its such a good design and personality of the character, its the same with counter-strike 2 and other video games,

i dont have any intrests in getting a lover but sometimes i think it´d be nice to have a  lover such as a first kiss and a first  girlfriend or boyfriend, but  im allowed to imagne it even tho i dont have any intrests in it, im sure at some point i guess i will have a lover but  nobody woukd be intrested in a introvert and lonesome person such as me , 

and if i were to it would be a person same intrests and not into s*x and other stuff as much cause  i find it a bit disgusting even tho id like to at some point but , i just want to enjoy my teenage hood as i have it insted of being stuck with some boyfriend or girlfriend , 

as for now ive never had any love experince myself since everytime someone tried to flirt with me i thoguht they were saying a joke or just not realising it was flirting since im not that great at clues..

so sometime in the future i´d be gratefull just to have someone i could say i love.